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Male Masturbation Synonyms

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• A big date with Rosy Palms
• A date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 slut daughters
• Adjusting the antenna
• Adjusting your set
• Answering the Bone-A-Phone
• Applying the hand brake
• Arguing with Henry Longfellow
• Arm-wrestling the purple-headed stormtrooper
• Asking for a second opinion (your second head)
• Assault on a friendly weapon
• Attacking the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
• Attending to the throb knob needs
• Auditioning the hand puppet
• Backstroke roulette
• Badgering the witness
• Baiting your hook
• Ball slappin' fun
• Bangin' your bacon
• Banging one out
• Banging the Cyclops
• Bashing the Bishop
• Bashing the candle
• Bashing the pear
• Basting the ham
• Batting practice
• Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger
• Beatin' Bobby
• Beating Bob and the twins
• Beating Jack
• Beating off
• Beating the bait
• Beating the balloon
• Beating the balogna
• Beating the beagle
• Beating the bed flute
• Beating the Bishop
• Beating the dummy
• Beating the fuck out of your best friend
• Beating the goat
• Beating the old man
• Beating the pud
• Beating the shit out of your incapacitated midget
• Beating the snake
• Beating the snot outta Rotney
• Beating the snotty end of my fuck stick
• Beating the stick
• Beating your meat
• Beef-stroke-it-off
• Being a virtuoso of the skin flute
• Being rough with the sex stick
• Being your own best friend
• Belaboring the obvious
• Biffing off
• Bleeding the weed
• Blowing your load
• Blowing your own horn
• Bludgeoning the beefsteak
• Blue-ball buster
• Blueball baseball
• Bobbing your boloney
• Bonging your shlong
• Booting up the hard drive
• Boppin' your bologna
• Bopping Richard
• Bopping the baloney
• Bopping the bishop
• Bopping the Bonzo
• Bouncing the bunny
• Boxing Oscar
• Boxing Oscar in the closet
• Boxing the bald champ
• Boxing the clown
• Boxing the Jesuit
• Boxing the Jesuit and getting cockroaches
• Boxing the one-eyed clown
• Boxing the trouser mouse
• Boxing with Richard
• Breaking the fish tank
• Buckin' it
• Buffin' the bishop
• Buffing my wand
• Buffing the banana
• Buffing the rifle
• Buffing the wood
• Buffing your nuts
• Buggering your hand
• Bunning your hot dog
• Burning off a few calories
• Burping the baby
• Burping the worm
• Busting a nut
• Buttering your corn
• Calling all cum
• Calling down for more Mayo
• Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis
• Caning the vandal
• Caping the crusader
• Capturing the bishop
• Carrying weight
• Casting off
• Changing your oil
• Charming the cobra
• Charming the one-eyed trouser snake
• Charming the snake
• Cheap date
• Cheating on your other hand
• Checking for testicular cancer
• Checking the plumbing
• Cheesing off
• Chilling the dill
• Choking Charlie 'till he throws up
• Choking Kojak
• Choking the bald guy until he pukes
• Choking the chicken
• Choking the hog
• Choking the pirate
• Choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come
• Choking your chicken
• Choking yourself into emission
• Chopping down
• Chucking one in the sink
• Chucking the yogurt
• Churning your butter
• Civil War
• Clamping the pipe
• Cleaning out your rope
• Cleaning the pipes
• Cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops
• Cleaning your rifle
• Clearing the snorkel
• Climbin' the tree
• Climbing Mount Baldy
• Climbing Mt. Barbell (for guys with pierced dicks)
• Climbing the corporate ladder
• Clobbering the bad guy
• Clobbering the Kleenex
• Closet Frisbee
• Clubbing Eddy
• Clubbing the baby seal
• Clubbing the clam
• Clubbing the dummy
• Coating Prince William Sound with love oil
• Cocking the rifle
• Collecting a specimen
• Coming into your own
• Coming to grips with the situation
• Coming to grips with yourself
• Committing mass spermicide
• Cooking the cream of cock
• Cooking with Wong
• Corralling the tadpoles
• Couch hockey for one
• Cracking one off
• Cracking the fat
• Crank yanking
• Cranking
• Cranking for cum
• Cranking one off
• Cranking the love pump
• Cranking the monkey
• Cranking the shank
• Crimping the wire
• Crowning the king
• Cuddlin' the Kielbasa
• Cuffing the carrot
• Cuffing the dummy
• Cuffing the puppy
• Custer's Last Stand
• Dancing round the maypole
• Dancing the two-fisted tango
• Dancing with Johnnie One-Eye
• Dating Miss Michigan (think geography)
• Dating Mother Palm and her five daughters
• Dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters
• Debugging the hard drive
• Decongesting the weasel
• Devil's Handshake (Catholic School)
• Dick whacking
• Diddle whacking
• Diddling
• Digging for change
• Digitally oscillating one's penis
• Discharging the heat-seeking moisture missile
• Disciplining the primate
• Disseminating
• Do the Dew
• Dogger Bank
• Doin' a loner with your boner
• Doin' the solitary rhumba
• Doing a hand job
• Doing an impression of Goofy
• Doing battle with the Purple-Helmeted Warrior of Love
• Doing handiwork
• Doing it your way
• Doing the five-knuckle shuffle
• Doing the hand jive
• Doing the hand-cooter
• Doing the human version of AUTOEXEC.BAT
• Doing the janitor thing
• Doing the knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump
• Doing the plotkin
• Doing the pork sword jiggle
• Doing the sin of Onan
• Doing the White Knuckler
• Doing your own thing
• Doodling your noodle
• Downing at the club (for members only)
• Downing the pitcher
• Draining the dragon
• Draining the lizard
• Draining the main vein
• Draining the monster
• Draining the one-eyed monster
• Draining the poisons from the building
• Draining the vats
• Draining the vein
• Dripping white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of lust
• Driving the skin bus
• Droppin' a wad of hot wax
• Dropping a line
• Dropping stomach pancakes
• Dropping the kids off at the pool
• Dry humping the ottoman
• Duking the Bishop
• Dundering the devil-dolphin
• Electing the president
• Emptying your sex pistol
• Engaging in safe sex
• Erupting Ol' Faithful
• Escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of his denim cell
• Evicting the testicular squatters
• Falling in love with your right hand
• Faxing Jimmy Dean
• Faxing the Pope
• Feeding the chooks
• Feeding the ducks
• Fetching milk
• Filling Charlie's magic sock
• Finding yourself
• Firing the flesh musket
• Firing the love rifle
• Firing the presidential staff
• Firing the Surgeon General
• Firming your worm
• Fishing for the two-toned trouser trout
• Fishing for zipper trout
• Fist fucking
• Fisting your mister
• Five against one
• Five knuckle Olympics
• Five on one
• Five-Digit Shuffle
• Five-finger discount
• Five-finger solo
• Five-knuckle chuckle
• Five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
• Fixing the toilet
• Flapping Takkie (South African)
• Flaying the Emperor
• Flick on over the thumb
• Flicking the bic
• Flipping the Bishop
• Floggin' the log
• Flogging the Bishop
• Flogging the dog
• Flogging the dolphin
• Flogging the dong
• Flogging the frog
• Flogging the General
• Flogging the hog
• Flogging the log
• Flogging the mule
• Flogging the salami
• Flogging your dong
• Flogging your dumber brother
• Flogging your log
• Flogging your stob
• Fluffing the pillow
• Flute solo
• Fly fishing
• Flying a kite
• Following my bliss
• Fondling the fig
• Fondling the fisherman
• Fondling the fountain
• Fooling with your tool
• Foreplay with Fistina
• Four-knuckle shuffle (for those who lost a finger in 'Nam)
• Freeing the hostages
• Freeing the Willies
• Freeing Willy
• Freeing your dick fish into the gene pool
• Frigging the love muscle (British)
• Friggit
• Frosting the pastries
• Fucking a pillow
• Fucking Mrs. Fist, the five-fingered widow
• Fun with friction
• Galloping the antelope
• Galloping the old lizard
• Ganging the plank
• Ganking
• Getting' your oil checked
• Gettin' jizzy with it
• Getting a date with Slick Mittens
• Getting a grip on things
• Getting a load off my mind
• Getting a milk mustache
• Getting a stiffy
• Getting busy
• Getting chafed
• Getting in touch with your manhood
• Getting in touch with yourself
• Getting off
• Getting tennis elbow
• Getting the dirty water off your chest
• Getting the German soldier marching
• Getting the glue stick
• Getting to know Miss Michigan
• Getting to know yourself
• Getting to know yourself personally in the "biblical sense"
• Getting your caps peeled
• Getting your exercise
• Getting your palm read by Mister Softee
• Getting your palm red
• Getting your pole varnished
• Givin' the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater a hot-butter nuggie
• Giving it a good once over
• Giving it a tug
• Giving Ms. Palm and and her five sisters a ride on the meat train
• Giving the John Hancock
• Giving the pink Mustang a lube job
• Giving the pink Mustang a spit shine
• Giving the seamen shore leave
• Giving your employee a raise
• Giving yourself a dishonorable discharge
• Giving yourself a hand
• Giving yourself a happy ending
• Giving yourself a helping hand
• Giving yourself a low five
• Glazing the donut
• Gluing the lady's eye's shut
• Going a couple of rounds with ol' Josh
• Going blind
• Going for the gold
• Going into battle with the purple-helmeted warrior
• Going on a date with Handrea and Palmela
• Going on a date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters
• Going on Peewee's little adventure
• Going steady with my bouncing Betty
• Going the blow
• Going to the basement
• Grappling the gorilla
• Greasin' up my love monkey
• Greasing the axle
• Greasing the flagpole
• Greasing the monkey
• Greasing the pipe
• Greasing your bone
• Gripping the pencil
• Hacking the hog
• Han Solo
• Hand job
• Hand Shandy
• Hand Solo
• Hand-starting the one-eyed yogurt thrower
• Hand work
• Hand-to-gland combat
• Handling heavy equipment
• Handling the hound
• Hands-on training
• Handy work
• Hanging out with Peter Tork
• Hanging the old man
• Hard labor
• Harping on Happy Harry Hard-on
• Hatchin' a batch
• Having a ball
• Having a Barclays Bank
• Having a bat
• Having a chuff
• Having a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake
• Having a date with Fisty Palmer
• Having a date with Mrs. Thumb and her 4 daughters
• Having a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters
• Having a ham shank
• Having a J. Arthur (British special, after J. Arthur Rank, it's rhyming slang)
• Having a one-night-stand with yourself
• Having a play date with your little friend
• Having a puppet show in your pants
• Having a Roy (Australian)
• Having a Sherman (British)
• Having a staff meeting
• Having a tommy tank
• Having a tug
• Having a tug-of-war with the cyclops
• Having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
• Having dinner
• Having group sex with five friends
• Having it off
• Having one off the wrist
• Having sex with someone you love
• Heaving the heathen handhold
• Helping Mr. Happy
• Hitchhiking to heaven
• Hitchhiking under the Big Top
• Hitching to heaven
• Hitting the ham
• Hitting the sack
• Hitting the speedbump
• Hoisting the flag
• Holding all the cards
• Holding my own
• Holding the sausage hostage
• Honing the cone
• Honing your bone
• Honking the bobo
• Huffing on the hoagie
• Hugging the hog
• Hugging the sausage
• Humpin' air
• Humping your fist
• Humping your hose
• In the hand
• Irking the dude
• Ironing some wrinkles
• J. Arthur Rank (British rhyming slang - wank)
• Jack hammering
• Jackin'
• Jackin' the Beanstalk
• Jackin' your meat
• Jacking off
• Jacking up the hot rod
• Jag off
• Jammin' your jimmy
• Jazzing yourself
• Jelly roll
• Jenny Mccarthy Jaunt
• Jerkin' the gherkin
• Jerkin' the joystick
• Jerkin' your beef
• Jerking Jamby
• Jerking off
• Jerking the Johnson
• Jerking the turkey
• Jerking yanking daisy-chaining
• Jiggling the jewelry
• Jiggling your Johnson
• Jimmying your Joey
• Jizzlobbing
• Jogging the lizard
• Joining the Navy
• Joshing it
• Juice the Moose
• Juicing the jizz monster
• Jumping the jock
• Just combing my hair
• Just jerkin' it
• Keeping the Optometrists in business
• Kicking seamen
• Kicking your roommate out for five to ten minutes to "call your parents"
• Killing it
• Killing the Beast
• Killing the bird on punches
• Kneading my knockwurst
• Kneeding the bread
• Knockin' over the weeble
• Knocking one off
• Knocking the top off
• Knuckle nobbing
• Knuckle Shuffle on the ol' piss pump
• Knuckling the bone
• Launching the hand shuttle
• Launching the morning missile
• Launching the rocket
• Laying the smack down on yourself
• Leakin' the main drain
• Letting out the bulimic one-eyed monster
• Lighting the lava lamp
• Living it up
• Looking for ticks
• Loping the mule
• Love's labors lost
• Loving the lizard
• Loving the muppet
• Lubing the tube
• Make like Hans Solo and stroke your wookie
• Makin' moonshine
• Making a fist sandwich
• Making a foreskin cone
• Making a knuckle hot dog
• Making free hand lotion
• Making friends with Big Ed
• Making instant pudding
• Making nut butter
• Making soup for one
• Making special sauce with frank and beans
• Making the bald guy puke
• Making the Cyclops cry
• Making the cyclops do chin-ups 'til he throws up
• Making the llama spit
• Making the piggy squeal
• Making the scene with the magazine
• Making vanilla jism shakes
• Making with the tadpoles
• Making yogurt
• Making yourself at home
• Mangling the midget
• Manhandling the manhood
• Manhandling your man-handle
• Manipulating the mango
• Manning the cockpit
• Manual labor
• Manual override
• Masonic secret self handshake
• Massaging Mr. Ho-Ho
• Massaging the mink
• Massaging your muscle
• Massaging your purple-headed warrior
• Master bacon
• Measuring for condoms
• Medical wankorama
• Medieval folk dancing
• Meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters
• Meeting Rosie Hancock
• Meeting with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
• Meeting with Palmala Handerson
• Meeting your kids
• Milking one's self
• Milking the bull
• Milking the cow
• Milking the lizard
• Milking the monkey
• Milking the moose
• Milking the mule
• Milking the muscle
• Milking the weasel
• Milking your wood
• Milkywaying
• Million sperm march
• Minding my own business
• Moisturizing your hands with your beauty bar
• Molesting the mole
• Moulding hot plastic
• Mounting a corporal and four
• Much goo about nothing
• My sex life!
• Nerking your throbber
• Oiling the baseball bat
• Oiling the glove
• Oiling the mighty dick hinge
• Oiling the pogo stick
• Onan's Olympics
• Onanism
• One gun salute
• One hand clapping
• One handed shim sham
• One man show
• One off the wrist
• One stop shopping
• One-armed skiing
• One-handed workout
• One-man orgy
• One-man ring toss
• One-man show
• One-man tug-o-war
• Opening up a bottle of Squirt
• Organ solo
• Packing your palm
• Paddling the pickle
• Painting the ceiling
• Painting the pickle
• Painting the walls
• Painting your pants
• Palming the calm
• Pam Anderson Polka
• Pasting pages
• Pat the Robertson
• Pattin' the puppy
• Pedal and crank
• Pee Wee pleaser
• Peeing children
• Peeling some chilis
• Peeling the banana
• Peeling the carrot
• Performing a self-test
• Performing diagnostics on your ManTool
• Perling the oyster
• Petting the lizard
• Petting the puppy
• Petting the python
• Petting your animal
• Petting your dog
• Phoning the czar
• Pipping the pumpkin
• Playin' the bone-a-thon
• Playin' with hardballs
• Playin' with yourself
• Playing a little five-on-one
• Playing a one-stringed guitar
• Playing Billy Squier on the skin flute
• Playing five card draw with a handful of jacks
• Playing five card stud
• Playing in a one-man show
• Playing miniature golf
• Playing paintball with white paint
• Playing Peek-A-Boo with Mr. Johnson
• Playing peekaboo
• Playing peekaboo with Darth Vader
• Playing ping pong with your ding dong
• Playing pocket pinball
• Playing pocket polo with Agent Johnson
• Playing pocket pool
• Playing tag with the pink torpedo
• Playing the crotch trombone
• Playing the flesh flute
• Playing the male organ
• Playing the one-handed air guitar
• Playing the one-stringed melody
• Playing the organ
• Playing the piss pipe
• Playing the pisser
• Playing the skin flute
• Playing the solo symphony
• Playing the stand-up organ
• Playing tug-o-war with the cyclops
• Playing tug-o-war with the staked vampire 'til he flames up
• Playing Uno
• Playing with dick
• Playing with my little brother Peter
• Playing with Susi Palmer and her five friends
• Playing with the pogo stick
• Playing with the snake
• Playing with the spitting llama
• Playing with Yoosef
• Playing with your bird
• Playing with your noodle
• Playing with your turtle (for uncircumcised guys?)
• Playing with yourself
• Playing Yahtzee
• Playing your instrument
• Pleasing your pisser
• Pleasure pumping
• Plunking your twanger
• Poaching the salmon
• Pocket billiards
• Pocket pinball
• Pocket pool
• Poking palm
• Pole vaulting
• Polishing Percy in your palm
• Polishing the bayonet
• Polishing the beak
• Polishing the cane
• Polishing the chrome dome
• Polishing the family jewels
• Polishing the fire pole
• Polishing the helmet
• Polishing the hot rod
• Polishing the knob
• Polishing the Lighthouse
• Polishing the pink Mustang
• Polishing the Pope
• Polishing the purple people pleaser
• Polishing the rocket
• Polishing the rocking horse
• Polishing the rod
• Polishing the sword
• Polishing your bayonet
• Polishing your helmet
• Polishing your piece
• Popping a nut
• Popping the blister
• Popping the bone
• Popping the cork
• Popping the porpoise
• Popping the purple pimple
• Popping your top
• Pounding off
• Pounding the bald-headed moose
• Pounding the pud
• Pounding your flounder
• Pounding your piss pump
• Pounding your pud
• Pouring off the potatoes
• Practicing for the big game
• Praising God
• Preparing the carrot
• Priming the pump
• Pud wrestling
• Puddin'
• Pudwhacking
• Pullin' a few rounds
• Pulling off
• Pulling pud
• Pulling rank
• Pulling the blue-veined custard chucker
• Pulling the blue-veined junket pumper
• Pulling the bologna pony
• Pulling the carrot
• Pulling the Colonel Sanders Heimleich Manuever
• Pulling the cord
• Pulling the five-knuckle shuffle
• Pulling the goalie
• Pulling the handbrake
• Pulling the piss pump
• Pulling the pole
• Pulling the Pope
• Pulling the pork stick
• Pulling the root
• Pulling the rope
• Pulling the single serving soup dispenser
• Pulling the weed
• Pulling the wire
• Pulling your goalie
• Pulling your love muscle
• Pulling your own leg
• Pulling your plonker
• Pulling your power cord
• Pulling your prick
• Pulling your pud
• Pulling your taffy
• Pulling your wire
• Pummeling the priest
• Pumpin' the poodle
• Pumping cream
• Pumping for pleasure
• Pumping for power
• Pumping gas at the self-service island
• Pumping iron
• Pumping the electric goo gun
• Pumping the porpoise
• Pumping the python
• Pumping the soft soap dispenser
• Pumping the stump
• Punchin' the clown
• Punchin' the midget
• Punchin' the munchkin
• Punching the clown
• Punching the munchkin
• Punching the possum
• Punching the stepson
• Punching yourself in the crotch
• Punishing Percy
• Punishing Percy with the palm
• Punishing the Bishop
• Punishing the Pope
• Puttin' the tie on
• Qualifying in the testicular time trial
• Raising Stonehenge
• Raising the flag pole
• Raising the mainsail
• Raising your sail
• Ramming the ham
• Rapid delivery
• Rapid one arm pull-ups
• Reading poetry
• Releasing the Olympic Doves
• Relieving tension
• Reverse osmosis
• Riding the Great White Knuckler
• Riding the lightning
• Ringing the rag
• Rippin' the rocket
• Rocket piloting
• Rockin' the rooster
• Rolling the fleshy blunt
• Rolling your own
• Roman helmet rhumba
• Romancing the bone
• Romeo and Himself
• Rootin' for the Yankees
• Ropin' the long horn
• Roping the pony
• Roping the Pope
• Roughing the passer
• Roughing up the suspect
• Rounding up the tadpoles
• Rubbing off
• Rubbing one out
• Rubbing the Buddha for good luck
• Rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel
• Rubbing the pink eraser
• Rubbing the rod
• Rubbing the unicorn's horn
• Running in single-user mode
• Running off a batch by hand
• Running the cheeta
• Sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights
• Safest sex
• Salting your nuts in the shell
• Sanding the obelisk
• Sanding wood
• Saying a private prayer in the Church of the First Holy Monkey
• Saying hello to Mr. Winkie
• Scalpin' the injun
• Schnauzer Shuffleboard
• Scouring the tower of power
• Scraping your carrot
• Scraping your horn
• Scratchin' the itch
• Scratching the cat pole
• Screwing your girlfriend Handgella
• Scromping the camper
• Seamen reporting for duty on the skin boat
• Seasonin' your meat
• Secret handshake
• Seeding the carpet
• Self abuse
• Self catering
• Self love
• Self-induced penile regurgitation
• Self-inflicted intercourse
• Sending a boy to the Academy
• Sending out the troops
• Sending yourself a hand-job-o-gram
• Sex with someone you really love
• Shagging
• Shakin' hands with Little Richard
• Shakin' the snot off your frog
• Shaking coconuts from the love tree
• Shaking hands with Abe Lincoln
• Shaking hands with beef
• Shaking hands with Jack McNasty
• Shaking hands with Johnson
• Shaking hands with Mr. Happy
• Shaking Hands with Mr. President
• Shaking hands with Shorty
• Shaking hands with the boss
• Shaking hands with the general
• Shaking hands with the goblin of love
• Shaking hands with the Governor
• Shaking hands with the midget
• Shaking hands with the one-eyed trouser trout
• Shaking hands with the President
• Shaking hands with the unemployed
• Shaking hands with your John Thomas
• Shaking hands with your wife's best friend
• Shaking hands with Yul Brenner
• Shaking the bottle
• Shaking the coconut milk of love from the leafless palm trunk
• Shaking the dice
• Shaking the hand of the self-employed
• Shaking the sauce
• Shaking the sausage
• Shaking the snake
• Shaking the sugar tree
• Shaking the white-out pen
• Shanking
• Sharpening your pencil
• Shavin' the carrot
• Shellacking the shellaleigh
• Shemping the hog
• Shifting gears
• Shifting to fifth gear with the pork spear
• Shining the helmet
• Shining the pork sword
• Shining the shaft
• Shining the shank
• Shining your pole
• Shootin' your splouge
• Shooting Cupid's arrow
• Shooting enemies
• Shooting flies
• Shooting for the moon
• Shooting for the stars
• Shooting putty at the moon
• Shooting Sherman
• Shooting skeet (pull...shoot)
• Shooting tadpoles at the moon
• Shooting the pump action porridge gun
• Shooting the sherbert
• Shooting to score
• Shooting your wad
• Shuckin' Bubba
• Shucking the corn
• Simple infanticide
• Singing with Donny Osmond
• Skipping rope
• Slaking the bacon
• Slammin' the salami
• Slamming the ham
• Slamming the hammer
• Slamming the salmon
• Slamming the spam
• Slamming the sump-pump
• Slap-Boxing the One-Eyed Champ
• Slappin' the purple-headed yogurt pistol
• Slappin' Pappy
• Slapping high fives with Yul Brynner
• Slapping it
• Slapping my happy sacks
• Slapping the big-nosed Rasta man
• Slapping the carrot
• Slapping the clown
• Slapping the Cyclops
• Slapping the donkey
• Slapping the FleshGopher
• Slapping the meat
• Slapping the pud
• Slapping the salami
• Slapping your chub
• Slaying the beast
• Slaying the dragon
• Sleeping
• Slicking the stick
• Slinging jelly
• Slinging the jelly
• Sloppy Joe's last stand
• Sloppy sign language
• Smackin' Isaiah
• Smacking Bob around
• Smacking the monkey
• Smacking the oompa loompa
• Smacking the salami
• Smacking the weasel
• Smacking the yak 'til it spits back
• Smacking your sister
• Smacking-off
• Smoking the bratworst
• Snappin' off a batch
• Snapping one off
• Snapping the carrot
• Snapping the monkey
• Snapping the radish
• Snapping the rubber
• Snapping the whip
• Snapping your carrot
• Solo flight
• Solo marathon
• Solo sex
• Solo spurting
• Soup of the day
• Spackling the ceiling
• Spanking Cheetah
• Spanking Elvis
• Spanking Frank
• Spanking the bishop
• Spanking the frank
• Spanking the monkey
• Spanking the plank
• Spanking the salami
• Spanking the wank
• Spanking up a batch
• Speaking into the microphone
• Spear chucking
• Spearing the Spartans
• Spending some quality time with yourself
• Spermin' Herman the one-eyed German
• Spewing your load
• Spilling my children on my belly
• Spit-polishing the purple helmet
• Spitting up
• Splashing one out
• Spluging
• Spreading the mayo
• Spunking
• Spunking the Monk
• Spurtin' Bert
• Squashing the sea monkey
• Squeezing the burrito
• Squeezing the Charmin
• Squeezing the cheese
• Squeezing the cream from the flesh Twinkie
• Squeezing the glue
• Squeezing the juice
• Squeezing the lemon
• Squeezing the snake with the turtleneck sweater
• Squeezing the tube of toothpaste
• Squeezing the weasel
• Squeezing your cheese-dog
• Squirting off your load in the school bathroom
• Squishing the fish
• Staff meeting
• Stall clapping
• Starting the day off right
• Stirring the batter
• Stirring the soup
• Stirring the yogurt
• Stoking the fire
• Strainin' the main vein
• Strangling Kojak
• Strangling the hog
• Strangling the one-eyed trouser snake
• Strangling the Serpent
• Stress relief for a personal appendage
• Stretching the limo
• Stretching the turtle neck
• Striking the pink match
• Striking your match
• Stripping the bark off your wood
• Stroke 'til you spew
• Strokin'
• Strokin' the mule
• Strokin' the sausage
• Stroking it
• Stroking off
• Stroking the balony pony
• Stroking the dog
• Stroking the lizard
• Stroking the mole
• Stroking the one-eyed burping gecko
• Stroking the salami
• Stroking the satin-headed serpent
• Stroking the snake
• Stroking the squirmin' German
• Stroking the stallion
• Stroking the wiener
• Stroking your goat
• Stroking your poker
• Stroking your pud
• Stroking your twinkie
• Stromming the Thurmond
• Strummin' my six inch
• Studying for a math test
• Sucker-punching the blind webster
• Swickin' it
• Swinging the jump rope
• Swinging the light saber
• Swinging the purple-veined kidney stabber
• Swinging the royal red reproduction rod
• Tagging off
• Takin' the bunt sign
• Taking a five minute vacation south of the border
• Taking a nap
• Taking a shake break
• Taking Captain Picard to Warp-Speed
• Taking care of business
• Taking control of yourself
• Taking Herman to the circus
• Taking little Elvis to Graceland
• Taking matters into your own hands
• Taking ol' one eye through the fly
• Taking ol' one eye to the Knuckle Shuffle
• Taking part in population control
• Taking some time off
• Taking the dog for a walk
• Taking the Jocelyn Elders Midterm
• Taking the monster for a one-armed ride
• Taking the sperm whale for a walk
• Taking your turn at the self-serve pump
• Talking quietly to yourself
• Talking turkey
• Taming the shrew
• Taming the wild hog
• Tamping your tater
• Tapping the turkey
• Target practice
• Target practice with the yogurt gun
• Target practicing with white ammo
• Taunting the one-eyed weasel
• Teaching a one-eyed Chinaman how to dance
• Teaching him a lesson
• Teaching your kids to swim
• Teasing the purple-headed custard chucker
• Teasing the python
• Teasing the Viking
• Teasing the weasel
• Teasing the weenie
• Teeing off
• Tenderizing the tube steak
• Tenderizing your meat
• Test-firing the meat missle
• Testicular tensile strength test
• Testing the hand cream dispenser
• Testing the testicles
• Testing your batteries
• That crazy hand jive
• The art of Unisex
• The Colonel Sanders Heimleich Maneuver
• The five digit disco
• The five-knuckle shuffle on the old piss pipe
• The five-finger hustle with Russel the one-eyed love muscle
• The serta solo
• The sticky page rhumba
• Thrapping
• Thrashing the weasel
• Threading a needle
• Throbbing the knob
• Throwin' down
• Throwing
• Throwing a shower
• Throwing off a batch
• Throwing one
• Throwing the hamster against the wall
• Throwing up mayo
• Thumping the pump
• Thumping your pud
• Thwackin' the sack
• Tickle the Elmo
• Ticklewigglejigglepickle
• Tickling my fancy
• Tickling the dragon's tail
• Tickling the ivory
• Tickling the one-eyed weasel
• Tickling the pickle
• Tickling the Polish salmon
• Toilet sailing
• Tonking
• Torkin' the fork
• Torqueing the turtle
• Torturing the tentacle
• Tossing off
• Tossing the boss
• Tossing the salad
• Tossing the sauce
• Tossing the snag
• Tossing the spam javelin
• Tossing the turkey
• Tossing the white ball
• Tossing yogurt
• Touching the penis
• Treating yourself right
• Trolling for the one-eyed walleye
• Trolling for trouser trout
• Trouser snake CPR
• Trouser trout dancing lesson
• Tube sock tango
• Tug of war with Cyclops
• Tuggin' the timber
• Tugging Mount Love
• Tugging old beater
• Tugging the rope
• Tugging the slug
• Tugging the tapioca tube
• Tugging the tossle
• Tugging the turkey
• Tugging your tubesteak
• Tuning my horn
• Tuning the antenna
• Tuning your organ
• Turning Japanese (UK - one step beyond wanking)
• Turning on your fire hose
• Tussle with your muscle
• Tussling the Muscle
• Twanging the wire
• Tweaking your twinkie
• Twisting your crank
• Twisting your tool
• Typing with one hand
• Uncorking the bottle
• Underarm javelin in the meat olympics
• Unloading
• Unloading the gun
• Unmasking Darth Vader
• Unsheathing the pork sword
• Unwrapping the pepperoni
• Using the Force on Darth Vader
• Using the force on your meat saber
• Using the ol' 1 wood
• Varnishing the cane
• Varnishing the flagpole
• Vibrating the viper and making him spit poison
• Violating the hedge-hog
• Visiting Old Faithful
• Visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters
• Visiting the five-fingered widow
• Wacking a lap
• Wacking off
• Wacking the one-eyed worm
• Wacking the paddle
• Wacking the weasel
• Wacking the weiner
• Wacking the willie
• Wagging the dog
• Wailing
• Wakey wakey hands off snakey
• Waking the dead
• Waking Wee Willie Winkle
• Walking the dog
• Walking the plank
• Walking the snake
• Walking Wally the one-eyed wonder worm
• Waltzing with Willy
• Wank
• Wank-o-rama
• Wanking
• Wanking off
• Wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel
• Warming up the altar boy's dinner
• Washing the elephant's trunk
• Washing the meat
• Washing the wolverine
• Wasting your wad
• Watching the geyser
• Waving the Magic Wand
• Waxing pedro
• Waxing the beanpole
• Waxing the car
• Waxing the carrot
• Waxing the dolphin
• Waxing the flipper
• Waxing the old goal post
• Waxing the rocket
• Waxing your Jackson
• Waxing your surfboard
• Waxing your weasel
• Waxing your Willy
• Whackin' the weasel
• Whacking it
• Whacking off
• Whacking the axe
• Whacking Willy
• Whacking your tack
• Whippin' the whopper
• Whipping off
• Whipping skippy
• Whipping the balls
• Whipping the bishop
• Whipping the dummy
• Whipping the one-eyed trouser snake
• Whipping the one-eyed wonder weasel
• Whipping the pony
• Whipping the rat
• Whipping the stiff
• Whipping the walrus
• Whipping the window washer
• Whipping the wire
• Whipping up a batch
• Whipping up some sour cream
• Whipping Willy the one-eyed wonder-worm
• Whipping your dripper
• White-water wristing
• Whitewashing
• Whittling the stick
• Whizzin' jism
• Whomping the walrus
• Wiggling your worm
• Winding my watch
• Winding the Jack in the Box
• Windsurfing on Mount Baldy
• Wonking your conker
• Wonking your donk
• Workin' out a stiff joint
• Working a cramp out of your muscle
• Working off
• Working off a batch
• Working overtime at the meat factory
• Working up a batch
• Working your Willy
• Wrestling the alligator
• Wrestling the eel
• Wrestling the gator
• Wrestling the one-eyed monster
• Wrestling the purple-headed warrior
• Wrestling with Jimmy
• Wrestling with the bald champ
• Wrestling with the one-eyed superhero
• Wringing out your rope
• Wringing the weasel
• Wringing your thing
• Wringing your weasel
• Wrist aerobics
• Yahtzee
• Yank my Doodle (It's a Dandy)
• Yankin' it
• Yankin' your chain
• Yankin' your Franklin
• Yanking off
• Yanking the crank
• Yanking the doodle
• Yanking the yoyo
• Yanking your chain
• Yanking your crank
• Yanking your plank
• Yanking your Yoda
• Yogurt slinging /li>
• Zipper Olympics
• Zygote spraying